Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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