omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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