I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
