If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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