my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
