when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
