How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
