did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
