you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
