why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just invented taco cereal.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
