Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
