I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
