and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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