i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
