Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
