I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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