I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
