What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I wear drunk well.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
