He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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