I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
