you didnt know i had herpes?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
