I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
