I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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