Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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