There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
