four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
