very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
