His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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