There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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