Me. At least after what I've been through.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
