you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
