I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
