Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
