Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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