I must be too annoying 4 u.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
