I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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