I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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