so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
