ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
