She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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