worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
