I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Boobs are out for the taking
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
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