Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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