It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
