how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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