Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When are your genitals available?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
