I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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