put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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