As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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