i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
