I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
