Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
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I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
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Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My breasts were aching with rage.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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