I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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