He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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