so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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