well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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