So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I deserve this hangover.
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