New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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