The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Randomize
