my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
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Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
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I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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