I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
