literally had 100 drinks last night.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
