I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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