I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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