What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
