You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
