I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
