I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
