I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
