he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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