best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
