I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
