I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
