i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
