i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
