Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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